Sex Ed Failed Me, and It’s Failing Our Kids, Too. A Series by Selfish Mitch Part One: My Experience

Holy. Shit.

I grew up in the 80’s, and was in high school from 89-93. I think that’s important framework for my experience. Also, Mom? Quit reading here. You can pick up at the next part. We knew then that sex ed wasn’t great. In fact, I don’t remember much sex ed at all except, “Don’t do it,” and my mother’s overbearing, “If I find out you do it in high school, you’re grounded until you graduate.” She was afraid of her kids getting trapped in a small town and in a bad forced early marriage, because that’s what happened in those days. We lived over an hour from the closest community college, and odds weren’t great for young parents, so I knew her concerns were valid. Growing up in a small town, also, she didn’t want us to get reputations that would follow us forever, especially if we decided to live near that area forever. Still, we could have all benefited from better sex ed. Plenty of girls got trapped and pregnant. I know sex ed was truly lacking in our small town, because the first time I let my boyfriend go to third base junior year it was an awful, painful experience, and neither of us knew what he did wrong. We didn’t ever try again.

Looking back, neither one of us knew what was happening with my anatomy or how to navigate it, and we were well past the age where most people knew the basics. Most of the girls in my class were having sex, but they seemed to do it because they wanted to make their boyfriends happy. Most of them talked about how it was usually painful and how they were terrified of getting pregnant, but none of them had a parent or a sibling old enough to be comfortable giving them real, useful information. There were a couple of girls we knew were having sex (it was a small school) who didn’t talk about, but as I look back on it, they were the ones with much older siblings or a free spirited parent (or a boyfriend who had the same) who probably gave them the right advice, so they weren’t complaining. That’s just the way it was back then. We didn’t even have the internet to turn to, and the librarians at school and at the public library knew your parents or grandparents. My mom WAS a librarian, so I wasn’t going to check out books about how to have hand sex, that’s for sure. I got the bulk of my sexual education from TV and my mom’s romance novels at home. All of those factors made me decide that I wasn’t going to “do it” until I was older. Two of my best friends made the same vow, and we all graduated as virgins.

Looking back, I know that I sabotaged a lot of my relationships as a way to avoid getting dumped when guys found out I wouldn’t put out, which I think screwed with my ability to form healthy relationships and develop real intimacy. It did actually prevent me from getting asked out in the first place, which I guess was good. When I finally did have sex, it was underwhelming, but OK. I couldn’t see what the fuss was about. Then I went into my first bipolar manic phase, and decided I wanted to find out. Of course, I didn’t know I was bipolar at the time, so things didn’t go well. I still didn’t know what I was doing, physically, but I met a guy who did. He, however, wasn’t a good guy, but I liked the feeling so we had a toxic relationship for a while. Fun!

Most of my adult relationships

That relationship ended badly, as it was destined to. I ran into a more toxic relationship, because I was crazy at the time, didn’t know what was happening in my head or with my body, hadn’t ever had a healthy or potentially healthy relationship that I didn’t sabotage, so I didn’t think I deserved better. That man became my son’s father, who became progressively more abusive. I divorced him before my son was two. The reason I gave is that I didn’t want my son growing up to think that it was OK to treat women that way. The sad things is that, at the time, I didn’t love myself enough to realize that I was a woman who shouldn’t have been treated that way. I’ve always had a lot confidence in my abilities at school and work, but that’s different than deep self love that won’t allow you to stand for being taken advantage of in any way, or to be physically and emotionally abused.

At this point, I was a mother. I’d gotten pregnant (in a very unplanned way, might I add) and I still didn’t know my body. I didn’t learn until a very liberal, feminist, sexually educated friend found out just how repressed I was and bought me drinks until I agreed to go buy a vibrator, that very night. She was sure I’d back out if left until the next day, and she was right. Catholic guilt and repression are serious beasts. Finally, at 25 years old, I got it. How ridiculous is that? I also wondered why we didn’t give these out to our teenage girls, because honestly, they’ll get the job done better than any groping teenage boy could ever dream of. Still, I can see how that would create intimacy issues like the ones I have, or maybe completely different ones. Having Bob, my battery operated boyfriend, helped me toss away men that weren’t right for me and men that didn’t deserve me until I found my current husband.

Click the picture to buy this pillow if you want to.

Seeing the featured image as an instagram post from Dr. Laurie Mintz made me realize why so many people have unplanned pregnancies, get STDs, are repressed, and are just bad at sex. Schools lie to kids in sexual education just as freely as they lie to us in history books about the great, completely non-problematic, non-murdery, non-racist, non-genocide-y, history of our nation that included happy slaves who were super grateful to be sold to American white people and happy to have work and a shack to live in, Native Americans who were exited to give up their culture and be pushed onto reservations after lots of them somehow died all at the same time.

Maybe we should have burned our history books and instead of taking Sex Ed, just learned this song in a required choir performance. I’m sure it would have gone over well in a town that petitioned to have MTV taken off of cable and succeeded.

Part 2 will discuss some of the history and politics of sexual education and repression.

We Take on the Women of Girl Defined

This is a little different than some of the things we’ve done lately, but we thought it was important to discuss. We’re all about empowering women to live their best lives, and we don’t think that living by a book written by men thousands of years ago is going to get you there. There’s a new crop of young, pretty, privileged women on YouTube who are doing their best to spread the message of the patriarchy, and it’s dangerous af. These women seem to have never questioned their belief systems, and are trying to teach other women and girls to do the same.  As we’ve said before, most of the people we know and love are Christians, but the people we love deeply are open minded and not afraid to have a discussion about their beliefs. They’re also not bigots, like Kristin and Bethany seem to be.

4 Key Areas of Self Care

Hello there!

We’ve been doing more on YouTube lately, but I just realized we’ve been negligent on adding the videos to the blog. I’m going to remedy that today and post them from oldest to most recent. We’d love any feedback, and if you have topics you’d like us to cover, or anything you want to ask us, feel free!

Here’s a video we did on 4 Key Areas of Self Care.

God is NOT a Woman, God is NOT a Man, for Fuck’s Sake…God is NOT HUMAN~AK

Being raised in the Catholic Church, I know this could cause quite a lot of fear for some.  Being a multi-dimensional being, an oracle for information and messages from the Divine, I don’t give a flying fuck.  The organized religion bullshit needs to be exposed and people deserve to hear the truth.  A lot of what I channel is in relation to the Bible, but I am not going to share those specific messages today.  Even as a child I had a problem with the distorted masculine God of the Catholic Church.  As I got older,  I noticed that all religions’ gods were masculine, but by then I had totally renounced religion.  As a teen & young adult, Native American and Eastern practices (not religions) resonated with me.  I was telling my neighbor the other night, that I remember being profoundly spiritual, just not religious, from a very young age.  Funny thing about a Spiritual Awakening…it’s more of a remembering.  The awakening part, from my perspective, is an awakening to universal truths, truths like the one I am about to share.  The remembering is all about remembering your truth, remembering who you are at a soul level.  So, back to God.  I have to admit this topic makes me a bit uncomfortable, but these days I”m all about doing something new, stepping out of my comfort zone to speak the truth and my truth, even if it makes others uncomfortable.

We are energy, that’s what we are.  We come from energy, the label you give it is up to you…God, Source, the Universe, the Divine…whichever resonates with you.  Our human bodies are just vehicles and we get to choose (kind of) who drives that vehicle…ego or soul?  If ego is the driver, and for most it is, the programming has this driver operating from fear and insecurities.  This driver is attached in every way to the external world, believing everything is happening to her, that everything is outside of her.  She is in the belief that God is something bigger than her and she is at his mercy.  She believes that Heaven and Hell are destinations, so death is feared, every fucking action is feared because sinning happens every day and Hell is feared.  She believes God, and Jesus, will save her and all she has to do is pray for forgiveness, on her damn knees, every damn night and all is forgiven.  I have been this driver, I have given my power away to the external, believing everything was happening to me. You all know that question…why is the happening TO me?  Wrong question.

Everything is energy and our souls are piece of the Source, therefore we are Source, we are God, the Divine having a human experience…once we see this Universal truth, soul begins to be the driver of this human vehicle.  When the higher self takes the wheel over, the driver knows everything starts within…here it comes…as within, so without.  This driver knows she is only in control of her thoughts, her emotions, her actions and anyone else’s are theirs, not hers.  She knows that Heaven and Hell  are not destinations, but the reality we create with our thoughts.  She knows that good/bad are a matter of perspective…nothing is really one, or the other, unless you make it so by attaching emotions & thoughts to the action.  Sin is just straight bullshit, created to manipulate, to control the masses by programming fear and insecurity into all of us.  The human driven by soul, acting from the heart space knows that she has nothing to fear from God, because living from the heart, from the soul, leads to emotions, thoughts and actions that are based in morality and integrity (something we see very little of these days).  See when you love yourself, when you are aligned with the Divine above and within, you can’t not do what is right, you just can’t.  This driver knows this and knows NO ONE and NOTHING CAN SAVE HER, but HER.  Sure, the Divine is there to help, as are others, but ultimately this driver knows she has to do the work.  She also knows Jesus won’t save her ass, either.  For fuck sake’s , he was a man, a human with soul as the driver, who became an ascended master like many others.  An oracle, a messenger for God…that message was, and still is, very fucking simple…love…love thyself and love thy neighbor.  That message seems to have gotten lost in all the bullshit dogma of religion.  This higher self, soul driver doesn’t ask why things are happening to her, she knows that everything is happening FOR her…for her to learn, grow and evolve.

I have had both driving my human vehicle, in this lifetime and others.  As an Empath,  living from my heart space has always been easy, the rest, not so much.  This journey has taught me, we must heal all parts to become whole, to become authentic, to let soul take over as the driver.  We must be open to a new way of thinking, acting, of being.  For me, understanding exactly what God is and ditching the belief he was a someone, something outside of me was a huge breakthrough on my path to self-love.  Self and Spirituality go together, you can’t have one without the other. The Catholic God Selfish Mitch and I were conditioned to believe in was a vengeful, judgmental, dare I say…narcissistic God.  A God that would punish and take away.  A God that created Heaven and Hell and was the ultimate decider of where we would go after this life.  More bullshit, btw…energy never dies, it changes, transforms, but never dies.  This is not the God I know anymore.  Source, the Divine are what I choose to call it and it is nothing but unconditional love, acceptance, empathy, compassion and support.  The Divine is always guiding us to what we need, which is not always what we want, but it is given with the hope we will be grateful for the blessings and learn from the blessons (blessings + lessons. because the lessons hold the biggest blessings).  The non-physical light beings around us everyday, all day, want nothing but to help us live our most fulfilled, joyful, abundant lives.  This is how we are meant to live, but first we have to find that light inside of us…the light that connects us all.

Love and so much Light to you All

AK

P.S.  I’m never going to tell you what to believe in, the choice is yours and I respect and love you regardless.  I am always writing with the intention to inspire and inform others of how to live your most fulfilled life.

P.P.S.

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