Holy Hermit Mode!!

So it’s been longer than a hot minute…a shit ton longer & a lot happen can happen in a year.  It’s been right around 1 year since I last blogged, 2 since we started the blog & a lot of shit has changed, a lot had to, I had to.   I’m a Virgo sun, Hermit mode is our natural state, our comfort zone, as it is for Empaths, Lightworkers, Starseeds, and others.  Once awakened, isolation becomes your safe zone.  You have seemingly lost everything and it is really fucking hard to communicate with most.   In tarot, Virgo is represented by the Hermit card (9, a number of solitude).  The Hermit is the one who goes within to illuminate the dark, to awaken the truths within.  Elevation requires isolation…I kept reminding myself of this during the 10 months I was in Arizona.  I knew I was there to heal, to learn to love myself, shed the old and allow space for the new to grow.  It was 10 months…the gestation period of a human baby. That’s exactly what is was…my time in the womb, hermit mode, rebirth…the evolution & transformation of me.  I strengthened my connection to Spirit, my higher self during this time.  I began to trust these relationships and prioritize them. I learned to put myself first, to be my own best friend and life partner.  I found my divinity, my magic that had been hidden under all the layers of bullshit programming.  I realized that I had to leave my children  to find myself.  As long as I was near them, I would never put myself first and my time away taught me how to do just that.

A year ago, I had left Las Vegas and my children, to rebuild my life in Arizona.  I found work in a metaphysical shop, doing readings and was living with Selfish Mitch. The plan being to get back on my feet doing work I love and bring my 5 year old, Jackson, down(the Universe & my higher self had other plans).  Everything started out great, I was doing readings/divine counseling, honing my craft, learning and meeting like minded people, soul family, that will be in my life forever. For the first time in my adult life, I was completely on my own, able to just focus on me.  It was so fucking liberating.  Part of the reason I stopped writing, doing online readings was the pure enjoyment in where my life was.  I was excited about my future, money was still a struggle & the shop wasn’t paying me, but I had faith and focused on everything working out for my highest good. Apparently, more lessons was what the universe knew I needed.  The owner returned after months away and we were clearly brought together to teach each other lessons & not in a positive way.  By January, I was living with a friend of Mitch’s, lost my car and knew my time at the shop was coming to an end.  To make it all even more challenging,  Jackson’s dad, was pulling some serious parent alienation bullshit & being away from my children, especially him was killing me.  My older children, 20 & 16, are able to communicate through technology, so we were always able to stay in touch.  In February, I was thrown out of the shop (a story for anther day) and was at peace with it, but hit a wall of confusion…was I on the right path?  Why was everything such a fucking challenge?  Life is not supposed to be a constant struggle and in knowing this, I kicked Hermit mode into full gear.

The next few months, were magical, painful, beautiful, lonely, joyful, confusing…all of it.  I was unsure, frozen in what to do after leaving the shop.  Still fearful of what I was being guided to do and lacking self-discipline and knowledge to build my own business… praying for a miracle, something that didn’t require me to speak, to write, to share.  In May, I found myself back in Vegas, going to court.  My ex was filing for full custody of Jackson and it was then I knew I would be going back to handle some unfinished business.  At the same time, an opportunity to work as a teacher’s aide in a middle school came up…I don’t believe in coincidences and saw this as the next steps.  I took the job (it would begin in August), Jackson would be able to go to Kindergarten in the same school (just as his sister & brother did when they were in Kindergarten) and joint custody would stay in place.  I wasn’t sure how this would all align by August…I was broke, now living at a client’s house, still no car, but I had faith the Universe would get me where I needed to be.

End of July, I was back in Vegas.  My parents helped me get into an apartment, such a blessing…my own sacred space after 2 years of transiency.  I began the teaching gig and was loving working with kids again.  After much struggle, Jackson was with me and began Kindergarten.  Things were once again falling into place.  I was baby stepping my way through this almost spontaneous 180, but something still wasn’t clicking just right.  I felt transformed on the inside, but the outside was feeling eerily familiar…unhappy with work, where the giving & receiving is not equal and finding I can no longer allow this. Also, finding I cannot be  my higher-dimensional self in the outdated education system.  Timelines crossing, merging, people & situations being brought back for closure…fuck y’all this ascension shit is no joke…the past few months have been a constant between worlds.   I have been trying to fit a new me into an old reality and it just won’t work.

As within, so without…a saying I live by and have used in every blog. Hermit mode was a necessity, but, like all survival tactics, it was not meant to be forever and the time has come for me to bust out of this cocoon, to spread my wings and rise like the Phoenix I have always resonated with.  I am a Gemini Moon and recently read that we have a NEED to talk.  Hermit mode is my comfort zone and I am not one to WANT to talk, preferring to be a silent observer, but in this transformation I find I have a NEED to talk, a calling to talk, it is how I heal myself and others, through communication of truth.  So, out of my comfort zone I go once more…talk to you soon!!

 

Shit tons of Love & Light,

AK 5.0

 

Author: Blackbird Goddess

We're two long time best friends collaborating on a blog about learning how to live a fuller life by putting yourself first, even though we approach life in very different ways.

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